excerpt:

“We’ve seen the impact that fathers make on a child’s life. In the past, it had been the idea that the father is the breadwinner, and the mother stayed home and took care of the kids. That thinking has changed,” said Larry L. Klinger, who oversees family and community programs for the intermediate unit. “Changing a thought process is one barrier.”

Institutions such as courts and schools have been slow to adjust and still often treat fathers as second-class citizens, dads and advocates say. That can be a decimating experience, both financially and mentally, said Thomas Tessaro of Franklin Park, a board member with the Pittsburgh chapter of the National Congress for Fathers and Children.

He frequently gets calls from fathers desperate for help, he said. Divorce lawyers often push ex-wives to pursue unnecessary protection-from-abuse orders just for leverage in custody battles, and decades of stereotyping often lead people to be unfairly leery of fathers, he said.

http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/news/today/s_599223.html

The State of Minnesota is considering whether in divorce cases, joint physical custody should be the starting point. This reflects a significant change in the thinking about what’s best for children after a divorce.

Back in the 1970s, mothers usually got custody. Joint custody was a strange experiment. Thirty years later, one family looks back on their experience.

Three decades later, dad and daughter reflect on joint custody
by Sasha Aslanian, Minnesota Public Radio
October 27, 2008

St. Paul, Minn. — Molly Brom made the newspaper at age 6. Her father, John Bujon saved a copy. The yellowed Family Living section of the Minneapolis Tribune is headlined “After Marriage Break-up, Children Can Still Live with Two Parents.”

Sitting in her father’s home near Lake Harriet in Minneapolis, Molly Brom is 36 now. Blond curls still frame her face, though now she wears a pair of brown rectangular glasses.

Brom and her dad have agreed to talk about their foray into joint custody in the 1970s. Her mom died in 1994 from cancer. more from MPR

I’m from South Africa, my children are 11 and 7 and I share custody with my ex. We have a parenting plan in place and the kids live one week with me and one week with my ex-husband. We’ve come a long way - five years of bitter arguing, and now a solution that works. So don’t let anyone tell you that you have to be best friends to make Joint Custody / Shared parenting work!

The best thing is that my kids love it, and our parenting plan is designed to be flexible to their needs - it will change if they need it to change.

I believe this is the way forward for all families.

Take care all.

Regards,
AJ, South Africa

Co-parenting - by “a caring mom”

I’ve been in a co-parenting position for almost 2 years now. I have a 3 ½ year old daughter. She was born to two parents who love her more than anything in life. Sadly, the relationship between her father and I did not work out. There are many reasons for this that are irrelevant to the care we give our daughter.

When the relationship crumbled I moved out of the home that was in my ex’s name. I searched for a 2 bedroom apartment nearby and found one very close.

So began the co-parenting. My daughter is the most important thing in my life therefore I knew that I had to immediately begin working with her father who feels the same as I do. She loves her dad and I could never in good conscious even try to alienate her from his life.

Almost immediately we were able to come to an agreement regarding her care. He worked long hours but had Sundays and Mondays off. Therefore he took her on both of these days. I worked a regular 40 hour work week so she would stay with me during the week and on Saturdays. She would continue to go to daycare.

It works out that we both see our beautiful daughter approximately the same amount of hours per week.

As far as my daughter’s financial care, we believed that we were equally responsible. We came up with a plan that I would cover her insurance because I had the better plan through my employer. Her father would pay her daycare costs. She spends 6 nights a week with me so we took that into consideration as daycare costs are more than the medical coverage.

I’m not saying that there have not been bumps in the road between the 2 of us. There have been. However, there have been virtually no problems with the custody and support. We still have never set foot in a courtroom.

At times situations arise where there are extra costs beyond the childcare and medical insurance. There are medications to buy, photos to purchase, clothing needed. We agree to split these necessities down the middle.

I truly believe that we are both doing our part to ensure that our daughter has the happiest life she can have. We’ve refrained from using her when we are angry at each other. It pleases me to know that my daughter will never be used as a pawn to gain control or satisfaction.

I am fortunate that regardless of the way we may at times personally think of each other, we both see past problems and realize that our child’s life is above all.

Co-parenting has worked for us both but more importantly for our daughter.

Signed, anonymous