Part one of six. Check back soon or subscribe to get parts 2-6.
Popularity: 12% [?]
Parental Alienation Day is one holiday that no one wants to celebrate. For many the name stirs a mild curiosity. For others, a searing pain that cuts through their very soul.
Mike Jeffries said it best on Basil & Spice when he wrote, “You won’t find an e-card that says, ‘Happy Parental Alienation Day.’ However if more people know why parents alienate a child from the child’s other parent, and how damaging these behaviors are to the child, then more people can help address the problem. Awareness and education are the first steps towards change.” See Parental alienation information and support.
How common is parental alienation? Four out of every 10 children whose parents don’t live together haven’t seen their fathers in over a year. See Why is there a fathers rights movement?.
Mothers are victims of parental alienation too. Which is why some are left scratching their heads when radical feminist domestic violence advocates and so-called “protective mother” groups film fake documentaries to convince legislators that parental alienation isn’t real. more…
Popularity: unranked [?]
Watching the Sean Goldman parental child abduction case unfold in the media has been bittersweet for parents of children still missing. All American parents with children abducted to foreign countries experience the same emotions and frustrations as Sean’s father David Goldman. He’s fortunate to have the help of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.
Foreign parents must endure the same trauma when their children are illegally abducted to America. These parents look to the Department of State for help too. In at least one case that I’ve reported on, that of Emily Hindle, the State Department did not help; they hurt.
Karl Hindle has been fighting for several years to have his daughter Emily returned to the UK. Not only did Emily’s mother illegally abducted her, she attempted to give Emily away in an illegal adoption. With the help of unscrupulous domestic violence agents, she has filed hundreds of false allegations of domestic violence and even child sexual assault charges against Karl. All of which have been thrown out.
Supervisors in the International Child Abduction Division of the US State Department arranged the illegal abduction. Ignoring new family court orders, they hid mother and child for years. Even while Emily was listed as missing and endangered. Hillary Clinton could initiate an internal investigation into this and other cases.
What about parents who live in the US, whose children have been illegally abducted to another state? Who can they turn to? Donald Tenn of Fathers 4 Justice and Families 4 Justice would like to know. Her mother illegally abducted Tenn’s daughter Madison. She also has filed numerous false allegations of domestic violence. They’ve also been thrown out.
Studies now show that 70% of all allegations of domestic violence are unnecessary or false. Many parents like Tenn have proven fraud and contempt of court on the part of the other parent, yet get no relief. After being bounced from one state to the other, he finally got an order for visitation. Local authorities refused to enforce the order when her mother didn’t surrender Madison.
Tenn has written to the Governors in his home state of California, and Illinois where Madison now resides. No response from either. Tenn and Paul Fisher, another father climbed a 175′ construction crane in Ohio last September to draw media attention to the issue. Over a well-attended Buckeye football game they hung a 50′ banner. Tenn stayed atop the crane for 4 days, even enduring a dangerous thunderstorm.
When Fisher and Tenn were first spotted by the construction crew it didn’t take long for the workers to express their sympathy. The foreman told the media on scene that they didn’t need to use the crane for a few days anyway. After Tenn descended, he noted that just 10 minutes later the crane was up and running.
Charges were filed against both men, but later dropped. Recently the charge of vandalism was refiled. Tenn noted he brought down their supplies and did not harm the crane in any way. He and Fisher face 18-month prison sentences. They’re due back in Columbus, Ohio in front of Judge Stephen McIntosh on April 13th. When asked for a comment Tenn said, “There should be no jail for being a dad.”
COURTROOM 6A
369 SOUTH HIGH STREET
6TH FLOOR
COLUMBUS, OH 43215
source:? sharedparentingworks.org
Popularity: 6% [?]
12 August 2008 –
UnitedFuture has announced plans to reform New Zealand family law, in a three-pronged approach designed to keep both parents closely involved in the day-to-day lives of their children following family breakdown.
“UnitedFuture will introduce ‘shared parenting’ as a default position for child custody arrangements in the family court,” announced family spokesperson Judy Turner.
“Shared parenting is currently granted in only one in nine judgements by the Family Court, with sole custody given to only one parent in eight out of ten cases, which is an extremely unsatisfactory situation.
“Shared parenting would mean that when both parents want custody, there will be a presumption that day-to-day care will be shared unless there are good reasons why it should not be.
“Academic studies as well as common-sense tell us that children are better off when they continue to have significant relationships with both parents after parental separation,” says Mrs Turner. more
Popularity: unranked [?]
Mediators help couples find middle ground
By Erica Kritt, Times Staff Writer Monday, August 11, 2008
Marlin and Cathy Burds first divorce settlement conference exploded into arguing and bickering that dragged on for nearly three hours before Marlin finally walked out.
When he regained some composure, he headed back to the settlement, but when he returned, Cathy was already walking out. Despite a protective order, Marlin approached Cathy and suggested they try mediation.
They scheduled a session that day.
It was like walking into an emergency room, Cathy Burd said. We went from enemies to friends.
Mediation is an alternative form of conflict resolution that is confidential and nonadversarial. In mediation, an impartial person, who does not give legal advice, listens to both sides and doesnt make decisions or suggestions but allows the participants to talk with each other and understand each other to come to necessary decisions. A mediator does not work as a lawyer and does not take sides.
In Maryland, anyone with a custody or visitation issue can be sent to mediation, for at least two sessions, if the court deems it appropriate.
In Carroll, the disputants are sent to two two-hour sessions with a mediator where they will both pay $100 an hour, according to Powel Welliver, family law administrator for the Circuit Court for Carroll County.
If the parties agree that they want to use a different mediator than the one assigned, Welliver said that is allowed as long as the parties give reasonable notice to the court.
According to Welliver, a case like the Burds would not be recommended for mediation because there were domestic violence issues. Welliver said she can make a judgment call if she thinks mediation might be dangerous for any of the parties in the dispute.
Those who are sent to mediation dont have to stay there. They must try it, but if they dont like it after the two sessions and have made no progress, they can resume seeking a resolution through litigation, according to Welliver.
Mediation can also be used for business contracts, neighbor-to-neighbor disputes and estate disputes. Welliver said mediation can be used almost any time there is conflict.
Marlin and Cathy came through mediation with a contract that gave both parents equal custody of their three daughters.
Before mediation, Cathy was living in the couples home. Her lawyers told her not to give up the home, but Cathy said she really didnt want the house
Cathy said she realized during the mediation that a lot of Marlins anger was coming from the fact that he wanted to see his children and to be in his home.
He was paying for a house that he couldnt live in, she said.
After mediation, Marlin got the house and bought out Cathy after refinancing.
Both Marlin and Cathy said they were relieved to have finally worked out a plan and to get back to nurturing their three daughters.
State support
In 1997, Rachel Wohl, a litigator in Maryland, asked Maryland Court of Appeals Chief Judge Robert M. Bell to start a commission to promote alternative dispute resolution.
In response, Bell created a 40-member commission, and from that came the Mediation and Conflict Resolution Office, where Wohl now works as executive director.
Wohl learned about mediation after she was trying to reach a settlement in three cases she was litigating for the states attorney generals office. After she couldnt reach a settlement, the case went to mediation.
After two days of mediation the case was settled, she said.
After that experience, she took classes on the subject and decided it was something she wanted to pursue.
MACRO encourages counties to use ADR methods to keep people out of the courtroom.
Wohl said that since MACROs birth, there have been significant increases in the field.
In 1998, Maryland had only nine community mediation centers. Now there is a center serving every county and Baltimore.
MACRO has helped the community mediation centers stay alive by providing performance-based grant money and support. The money MACRO is able to grant comes from the state through the judiciary.
There are currently no requirements to become a mediator in Maryland, but Welliver said that if a person is to work with the courts, he or she must undergo 40 hours of basic training in an accredited program.
To mediate cases that involve child access, the person must take another 20-hour training course and participate in co-mediation or observe mediation taking place. A different 20-hour course is needed to mediate cases involving marital property issues for the court.
The mediator must also complete eight hours of continuing education every two years.
Welliver said there are a couple types of mediation styles, but ultimately each mediator works differently.
Benefits
One of the benefits of mediation MACRO touts is that when two people mediate a resolution they are creating their own terms so they are less likely to break the deal and end up back in court or with another conflict.
Welliver said statistics have shown that when a judge has to rule in a dispute, the disputants will most likely return to court.
A 2006 The Womens Law Center of Maryland study, called Families in Transition, found that 10 percent of cases that were decided by a judge had to be reopened, whereas only 5 percent of cases that were settled by the disputants had to be reopened.
Wynde Juliet Winston of Westminster, an attorney and mediator, said the courts are overloaded and dont have time to get to the core of every problem. No judge can really get inside a case in the short amount of time, she said.
Amy Womaski, a mediator in Carroll County, tries to let her clients do much, if not all, of the talking. After each gets a turn to tell his or her story, the disputants work out what issues need to be addressed.
Womaski said people need their concerns to be validated and understand that they are being heard in the process. Once each person can vent his or her frustrations and the other hears those frustrations, half the battle is won, she said.
It doesnt make the problem go away, but it frees you up to go forward, Womaski said.
Reducing courts workload
If mediation wasnt mandated, Welliver said she thinks two more judges would have to be hired to handle the workload in Carroll County. According to Welliver, the court orders between 150 and 175 cases to mediation a year.
Welliver said it might be impossible for the Carroll County Circuit Court to handle all of the cases that involve a custody or visitation issue if it werent for mediation.
The result of mediation is also often cheaper than going to court, according to MACRO.
Marlin Burd said he had racked up between $14,000 and $15,000 in legal fees and didnt get anywhere with their lawyers, but mediation cost a total of $1,100, he said. Because the Burds were not recommended to go to mediation they did have to go through the litigation process.
Cathy Burd said the money that was spent with lawyers could have gone to their childrens college educations and making a better life for the family.
Confidentiality
Another reason some people choose to seek out mediation is that the proceedings are private. In court, everything stated becomes public record for anyone to look up. Mediation is confidential.
I have to maintain privacy, said Kelly Walfred Miller of Westminster, a mediator and attorney. Its a very complex, emotional state [my clients] are in.
Womaski has said she has seen screaming and even had to dodge a thrown cell phone during sessions with clients.
Confidentiality is so guarded that mediators are not allowed to testify in court about their sessions, unless it is to defend themselves or if there were imminent threats made to harm someone, admissions of child abuse or allegations of duress or fraud during the mediation, according to MACRO.
There are some instances where mediation is not a possibility. Welliver said she takes her job seriously when reviewing cases that would be sent to mediation, to make sure they are appropriate.
If there are allegations of physical or sexual abuse, if one party is overpowering the other or if any party in the dispute is not physically or mentally able to participate in mediation, then the case will not be sent to mediation, Welliver said.
Reach staff writer Erica Kritt at 410-857-7876 or erica.kritt@carrollcountytimes.com.
Glossary
- Alternative dispute resolution: A process or collection of processes for resolving disputes without going through a trial or committing violence.
- Arbitration: A process in which people in a dispute present their views to a knowledgeable neutral person, an arbitrator, who decides how the dispute will be resolved.
- Consensus building: A process in which a neutral person brings stakeholder groups and individuals together and facilitates their efforts to solve a common problem or address a complex issue in a way that best meets the participants needs.
- Mediation: A process in which a trained neutral person, a mediator, helps people in a dispute to communicate with one another, understand each other and, if possible, reach agreements that satisfy the participants needs.
- Neutral case evaluation: A process in which people in a dispute present their views, often in written form, to a knowledgeable neutral person who evaluates their dispute and expresses an opinion about the most likely outcome in court.
- Settlement conference: A process in which people in a dispute in court present their views to a knowledgeable neutral person who evaluates the case and suggests ways to settle the dispute without a trial.
Source: Mediation and Conflict Resolution Office
Popularity: unranked [?]
Child Custody Rights or Parental Responsibilities?
By Jill H. Breslau
Language can impact our thinking and behavior. Language in statutes regarding custody, for example, can influence if only in a subtle wayhow we perceive our relationship to our children.
For example, in Maryland, where I practice now, and many other states, custody of your own children is described as a right. As a parent, you have a right to the companionship of your children, you have the right to teach and guide them, to nurture them, to direct, and control their behavior. You have the right to decide where your children go to school, whether and where they attend religious services, what kind of medical treatment they receive and from whom. In Maryland, custody may be shared or sole, and the other parent may be awarded access or visitation.
In Florida, where I used to practice, and in several other states, the custody and rights language has been deliberately replaced by different vocabulary with a different perspective. Parents in Florida are not awarded custody. Instead, parents have responsibility for their children, and parental responsibility, at divorce, can be shared by both parents or can be delegated to one parent alone. With shared parental responsibility, parents share time with their children and both parents are entitled to have full information about the children and to share in major decision-making for the children. Sole parental responsibility is awarded only when sharing would be detrimental to a child.
I believe the difference in languagerights versus responsibilitiesimpacts the way we approach custody in divorce. If we believe in our rights, then we have to fight for them, and we have to win them. Our children, on some level, are perceived as objects to be gained or lost. There is a sense of ownership, rather than relationship.
On the other hand, if we perceive that we are undertaking responsibilities to our children, we may be more cautious about considering what is really best for them. We may be more focused on how we can accomplish the tasks associated with child-rearing than on establishing our parenting superiority.
Popularity: unranked [?]
Yes, best for kids of divorce
*
No way, it will never work
*
Yes inside and out of marriage
*
No I need all my child support
*
Yes to lower my child support
*
No, I’d miss my kids too much
*
Yes, I miss my kids terribly
*
Yes, I had it as a kid.
*
No, I had it as a kid
*
I want to learn more.
Participate in the poll.
Popularity: unranked [?]
I’m from South Africa, my children are 11 and 7 and I share custody with my ex. We have a parenting plan in place and the kids live one week with me and one week with my ex-husband. We’ve come a long way – five years of bitter arguing, and now a solution that works. So don’t let anyone tell you that you have to be best friends to make Joint Custody / Shared parenting work!
The best thing is that my kids love it, and our parenting plan is designed to be flexible to their needs – it will change if they need it to change.
I believe this is the way forward for all families.
Take care all.
Regards,
AJ, South Africa
Popularity: unranked [?]
Co-parenting – by “a caring mom”
I’ve been in a co-parenting position for almost 2 years now. I have a 3 � year old daughter. She was born to two parents who love her more than anything in life. Sadly, the relationship between her father and I did not work out. There are many reasons for this that are irrelevant to the care we give our daughter.
When the relationship crumbled I moved out of the home that was in my ex’s name. I searched for a 2 bedroom apartment nearby and found one very close.
So began the co-parenting. My daughter is the most important thing in my life therefore I knew that I had to immediately begin working with her father who feels the same as I do. She loves her dad and I could never in good conscious even try to alienate her from his life.
Almost immediately we were able to come to an agreement regarding her care. He worked long hours but had Sundays and Mondays off. Therefore he took her on both of these days. I worked a regular 40 hour work week so she would stay with me during the week and on Saturdays. She would continue to go to daycare.
It works out that we both see our beautiful daughter approximately the same amount of hours per week.
As far as my daughter’s financial care, we believed that we were equally responsible. We came up with a plan that I would cover her insurance because I had the better plan through my employer. Her father would pay her daycare costs. She spends 6 nights a week with me so we took that into consideration as daycare costs are more than the medical coverage.
I’m not saying that there have not been bumps in the road between the 2 of us. There have been. However, there have been virtually no problems with the custody and support. We still have never set foot in a courtroom.
At times situations arise where there are extra costs beyond the childcare and medical insurance. There are medications to buy, photos to purchase, clothing needed. We agree to split these necessities down the middle.
I truly believe that we are both doing our part to ensure that our daughter has the happiest life she can have. We’ve refrained from using her when we are angry at each other. It pleases me to know that my daughter will never be used as a pawn to gain control or satisfaction.
I am fortunate that regardless of the way we may at times personally think of each other, we both see past problems and realize that our child’s life is above all.
Co-parenting has worked for us both but more importantly for our daughter.
Signed, anonymous
Popularity: 9% [?]
DC Festival 2008 – August 15-16, 2008
Childrens and Parents Rights organizations from across the nation are scheduled to encroach on Washington DC this August 15 & 16 at the Upper Senate Park. Why? Because government policies do not reflect what is truly best for children and good parents. The event is bringing the major issues facing parents to the legislators doorsteps, their backyards, and their offices.
A coalition of numerous individuals, organizations, and agencies that grows daily as August draws near, aim to bring solutions to many crises that are affecting America in this landmark event. This event is not to be confused with last years successful event, a rally held under the name DC RALLY 2007 and organized largely by Minister Ronald Smith of Children Need Both Parents, Inc. which is scheduled again for 2009.
Where we have a government that thinks it has the apparent authority to confiscate children at will, as we can see from the recent issues in Texas earlier this year, something needs to be done. states Lary Holland, one of the organizers of this event. He further states, we are dealing with a fundamental liberty and civil rights issue that has to be recognized and respected by our government, the protected right of parenthood.
Various groups across the nation arent willing to compromise liberty and let their government run on autopilot any longer. Somewhere along the lines, the government stopped believing that the Constitution was a restriction on them and not a restriction on the people, according to Holland. This event will also be welcoming a number of cyclists that are pedaling bicycles from Michigans Capitol all the way to Washington DC to support a childs right to two parents.
For more information about this historic civil rights event, individuals and groups may contact Write to Parent at 800-883-9619. Organizations that have not secured their exhibition table can do so through August 8, 2008 by using the toll-free telephone number. Individuals and Organizations looking to attend and participate in the event may obtain the most up to date information for travel, accommodations, and itinerary at the event website dcfestival2008.com.
Because government policies do not reflect what is truly best for children and good parents. We are bringing the issues to their doorsteps, their backyards, and their offices.
This is about children and their right to be raised by their own parents. Simply put, we are bringing organizations with various advocacy missions together under one event so it can be seen just how similar they all are. The public will see a display of great unity, government officials will see an official national movement, parents and activists will have a renewed sense of faith that their efforts truly will make a difference for families everywhere.
We support organizations with goals that restrict the currently unbridled government authority over the family unless there is truly a proven need of intrusion or actual threat to children. We advocate for solutions that lessen the conflict that our family court system and governments existing policies have brought to families.
Our goal, to minimize government intrusion into the protected natural right of parents. This is a broad brush for many organizations to bring their message to Washington D.C.
So many issues, relating to one subject.
Popularity: unranked [?]
Recent Comments